Time to call AntiPesto

As I recall, some British lads have faced this situation before... perhaps it's time for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

 

"Monster rabbit" targets vegetable patch (article below)

Tim: There he is!
King Arthur: Where?
Tim: There!
King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?
Tim: It *is* the rabbit!
King Arthur: You silly sod!
Tim: What?
King Arthur: You got us all worked up!
Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.
King Arthur: Ohh.
Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!
Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?
Sir Robin: You mangy Scots git!
Tim: I'm warning you!
Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?
Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!
King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

LONDON (Reuters) - It sounds like a job for Wallace and Gromit.

A "monster" rabbit has apparently been rampaging through vegetable patches in a small village in northern England, ripping up leeks, munching turnips and infuriating local gardeners.

In an uncanny resemblance to the plot of the hit animated film "Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit," angry horticulturists in Felton, near Newcastle, have now mounted an armed guard to protect their prized cabbages and parsnips.

"They call it the monster. It's very big -- it's nearly the size of a dog," said Joan Smith, whose son Jeff owns one of the plots under attack.

"It's eating everything, all the vegetables," she told Reuters. "They are trying to shoot it. They go along hoping to catch it but I think it's too crafty."

In the "Wallace" film, which topped both the U.S. and UK box office charts and in March won an Oscar for best animated feature film, the plasticine heroes battle a mutant rabbit bent on destroying their home town's annual Giant Vegetable Contest.

Those who say they have witnessed Felton's black and brown monster describe it as a cross between a rabbit and a hare with one ear bigger than the other.

Its antics came to public attention when Jeff Smith, 63, raised it as an issue with the local parish council.

"He came along to pay the annual fee for the allotment (vegetable patch) and he said 'ooh we've got this big cross between a hare and a rabbit,'" the council's clerk Lisa Hamlin told Reuters.

Smith himself has described it as a "brute" which had left huge pawprints.

"This is no ordinary rabbit. We are dealing with a monster," he was quoted by newspapers as saying.

"It is absolutely massive. The first time I saw it I thought to myself 'What the hell is that?'

"We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is very clever."

The BBC has more:

Hunt for real life 'were-rabbit'

Sharp-shooters have been brought in to defend allotment patches in Northumberland suffering from a real-life "curse of the were-rabbit".

The ravenous giant rabbit, named after the famed Wallace and Gromit character, is reported to have ripped up dozens of prize-winning leeks and turnips.

Now growers in Felton, near Morpeth, have drafted in licensed gamekeepers with air rifles to halt the rampage.

But animal welfare workers have called for the animal to be trapped instead.

Four gardeners described the rabbit as having one ear larger than the other.

The main clues are oversized paw prints and sightings of what growers claim to be a cross between a hare and a rabbit.

A small group of allotment holders have now clubbed together to hire two air rifle marksmen with orders to shoot to kill.

Grower Jeff Smith, 63, said: "This is no ordinary rabbit. We are dealing with a monster.

"It is absolutely massive. I have seen its prints and they are huge, bigger than a deer. It is a brute of a thing."

Mr Smith, who has kept an allotment for 25 years, added: "We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is clever.

"They never see it. There were big rabbits in the 1950s and 1960s before pesticides were introduced, but not like this."

Marksman Brian Cadman, 17, said: "We've been told to shoot on sight, but we've not had much luck yet.

"You can see what it's been eating.

"It's been taking huge bites out of cabbages, carrots and turnips. It's a hungry fella."

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA) urged the growers to set a humane trap for the animal and release it elsewhere.