"YOU MIGHT BE IN A FAITH COMMUNITY IF..."

Jeff Miller, over at The Curt Jestor, had a post from yesterday that made me spew my coffee out over my keyboard. Painful as that was, it was also painful to know that he's on the mark with too many of these.

Faith community seems to be one of those annoying terms used when people are unable to say church. People with this defect will also substitute Presider for Priest. I have wondered if a progressive with Tourette Syndrome might embarrass themselves and other by having the impulse to say things like "hierarchy", "obedience", "dogma", etc. This would be quite embarrassing in progressive company. The term faith community seems to be prevalent in places not exactly faithful to the magisterium, though I am also sure that there are those who use the term that are. I wonder if anybody ever says "It's time to get up and to get ready for faith community" or "What time does faith community start today?" The following list is some of my reader's helpful suggestions.

• If you can't find the tabernacle, you might be in a faith community
• If you don't know what a pew is, you might be in a faith community
• If you are Catholic and have ever heard the term "love offering", you might be in a faith community
• If your worship center distributes America magazine, you might be in a faith community
• If among the first communicants, more than three boys take the Christian name "Brandon", you might be in a faith community
• If among the first communicants, at least one girl takes the name "Brandon", you might be in a faith community
• If the baptismal font has running or heated water, you might be in a faith community
• If "Lamb of God" is used interchangeably with "Warming Wind", you might be in a faith community
• If the giant LCD monitor falls and crushes more than three liturgists, you might be in a faith community
• If the womens' club at your worship center distributes native american dreamcatchers, you might be in a faith community.
• If "dark night of the soul" is used as a euphemism for indigestion, you might be in a faith community

To which I will add a few of my own:

• If you believe the "Source and summit of the faith is dialogue", you might be in a faith community.
• If you have a rainbow altar cloth, you might be in a faith community.
• If Father McBrien was quoted so much that you thought he was one of the Apostles, you might be in a faith community.
• If you thought Natural Family Planning meant using organic contraceptives, you might be in a faith community.
• If you heard a scream from the rectory when Josef Ratzinger was chosen as Pope, you might be in a faith community.
• If you have never heard the word "conscience" preceded by the word "informed", you might be in a faith community.
• If those not wearing rainbows sashes are denied Communion, you might be in a faith community.
• If a large part of the church's budget goes to felt for banners, you might be in a faith community.
• If the kneelers are covered with barb wire to discourage use, you might be in a faith community.
• If after your new church is built you thought that you should recommend the architect to your boss for building the company's new warehouse, you might be in a faith community.
• If Father, Son and Holy Spirit is replaced by Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier, you might be in a faith community.
• If you thought that you had possibly heard the hymn sung by Barney before, you might be in a faith community.
• If there are Planned Parenthood ads in the back of the bulletin, you might be in a faith community.
• If you have heard of the Catechism, but have never actually seen one or heard it quoted, you might be in a faith community.
• If Ms. Magazine is in the literature rack, you might be in a faith community.
• If you see no anti-Catholic bias in the Boston Globe, you might be in a faith community.
• If your usher greets you saying "Hi my name is Bob and my enneagram type is the reformer", you might be in a faith community.
• If you have ever found marbles, sand, or goldfish* in your Holy Water font, you might be in a faith community.
• Your pretty sure the GIRM is on the Index librorum prohibitorum, you might be in a faith community.
• When discussing doctrine you have heard the term "Survey says!", you might be in a faith community.
• If the only Latin term you know is "Sensus Fidelium.", you might be in a faith community.

* I actually heard one caller into EWTN ask Fr. Trigilio about their pastor placing goldfish in the Holy Water font.